Motorbike Fences Heartbreak

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I hate the word ”literally” but literally, this world is drowning. Or it will soon be divided into three worlds between the heart sellers, the heart buyers, and the heart traders. Ever heard of someone going through a 100% intense sorrow? Well Hello, is it me you’re looking for? Haha! How lame, if that’s what you’re thinking too, I suggest you read the book which I never finished, ”The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”. Yeah, you got me. Not taking any and not giving any. Not that one that you want to give, but the one from the book, where the writer doesn’t fuck around.

Look at this imaginary situation. You are out to chill and you see a very random cruiser parked. Here, a sexy cruiser. So sexy that you want to ride it. A mannish helmet hanging to its throttle, a very inviting style and color, and the moment its engine starts, the sound blows you away. You get so amazed and aroused that you go to its owner and ask for a ride. Lucky you, you get the ride. Full throttle now and you’re just on and on and on.

After 30 minutes of an amazing ride non-stop, you realize your ass is now hurting you. You decide to turn around, come back to the motor owner. Things you need now are brakes, lights, fuel and prolly some good alignments to turn around. You realize there are no brakes, the alignment is bad to turn it around or stop anywhere. Fuck the fuel here, it was water. Yup, it was a fake Chinese motorbike to fool you. You got fooled.

What’s happening next? You crash hit and your head’s gone. That wasn’t a helmet but a plastic helmet lookalike balloon. So surprising isn’t it? Everything looked so real at first and the very next minute, everything went away, it was all fake! All because you trusted it, so blindly. What my brain’s trying to say is don’t get very excited at first, never. Calm down, look around, think and observe. Oversweetness, overexcitement: Anything over is so dangerous you have no idea. Check for the fuel, the brakes, helmet, etc., and then my boy, take a ride!

Because if you don’t, your ”motorbike” will cross over you, give you a heartbreak.

Good luck.

🙂

My Wolfy Mate.

Sometimes taking the road not taken is good. It’s efficient ‘cons’ aren’t that great but it still teaches you something or the other and most of the times, makes you stronger. I’m not even talking about the ‘pros’ yet. They are profitable and good and ‘advantage’ is its only sole baby. ‘Pros’, these people have always been on the positive road anyway, the road supposed to be taken I mean.

I’ve traveled through the roads not supposed to be taken, mightily, so many times. Checked out a bartender, a handsome waiter once, pretty little and the big lies, oh what not! Talking about lies, I’m a very bad liar. Nevermind. Checking out a bartender or a very nice good looking waiter isn’t a road not supposed to be taken but, when you’re at the same bar sitting with someone else, then girl yes there’s a question and I haven’t been interrogated yet. Tell me if this was pros or a con?

There’s a wolf inside all of us, even the lamest side of you and they are our forever mates. Just take an inside trip to your soul forgetting everything. Take a left from there and go to your brain really slow. Go straight with your eyes closed and tell the brain something and just when it takes a U-turn back from your heart, there’s a rush, a burp, your spinal cord suddenly supports you way stronger like never before and there’s a second voice that starts talking, that’s your wolf. That’s the wild wolf that tears you apart giving the right amount of wrong at the same time. And that my boy, is really inviting. Anything wolfy my boy again, is exciting. Wow, that rhymed.

When I first discovered my lovely supportive wolf, I was pretty drunk and standing with someone, thinking about someone else. And since then, I don’t even remember when was the last time I really was myself and not the wolf. That probably is the choice I have made and just not accepting the truth. I don’t want to go back to my wolf-less self, it sucks and I start to think a lot. It has pain, sadness, tragic clouds and mournful days.

My wolfy sides keep me happy all the time and being sad is a pain in the, you know where. It really is and thus, a wolfy fix. And wolf BTW is a spirit animal so I’m pretty sure there’s nothing wrong with being full of spirits.

A confession: I became a wolf last night and it lasted until morning. ‘You’ know what I mean. 😉

🐺

Breaking Bad vs. Dealing Bad.

00Krispy on Behance

Well, if you’re thinking about Breaking Bad, that’s good for you since it’s been bad for me, I’m dealing bad.

Dealing bad with falling short of words, for my posts. And this is making me write about my life and everything about it, making it so damn public. Though that’s okay since there is one thing in common, we are all human and we all got feelings. Play kinds, shit kinds, crappy kinds, glorious kinds. And lately, I’ve realized that am only writing when I need someone to hold so tight lol joking, big time. But does this happen to you? Not you wanting to hold someone, but wanting to write something and are thinking a lot about it and the white page starts to hurt your eyes because you’ve been staring at it for more than many minutes and are still blank AF.

Thinking and talking about life, sometimes life sucks. And am really happy right now. My life never sucks, I never feel low, never listen to sad songs and I never crave for menthol cigarettes every now and then. Just sold all of that to you for $1 since I work for a U.S. company. Also, I’m never lost in my own thoughts, that’s another $2. Total of $3 makes me feel like I can be an amazing third character in the Two Broke Girls season.

All we seeking for heaven after death, some seeking for heaven while they’re alive, some completely religious and the rest, atheists. Some are ghosts and apparitions even. Such people have everything including two brains. One obviously where it is supposed to be and the other one is replaced with their hearts. These people sell their hearts for some wrong shit that might have once happened to them and we keep our hearts and sell everything else for some wrong shit to happen to us. Some are like me, belong to none but been everywhere including highest peaks, devastating falls which sometimes includes offers called bruises. Oh man, these bruises.

Although, not everything comes with a validity. Somethings just stay forever. Like some people, who go on and on and on with their great experienced and well-prepped reasons. We prep chicken and vegetables for dinner and some people prep good reasons for amazing applaudable excuses.

Thanks to me I’ve nothing more to say now, prepping to shoot someone with some soap gun.

Excuse me for the next post already.

Good afternoon!

🔫

 

 

Tipsy Weekend.

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Namaste.

Weekend night, friends playing monopoly, drinking and having fun.

Three hours down, still a weekend night, friends still playing monopoly and me, tipsy on white rum, blues playlist on and an extra tab for WordPress, writing a tipsy blog. Feeling all emotional, BITE ME. Everything is blue, like Halsey’s Colors.

Thinking, about people we miss when we’re drunk. Why do we do that? Miss people when we’re drunk? I know I can easily Google this stuff but what that might do is, shut my thoughts by giving me some stupid reasons with their weird solutions and examples. And I don’t want that.

Why? Because I love to think and write.

And that’s the fun. At least for me.

Such a tipsy weekend, a controlling one where I’m also controlling my drinks so I don’t make any mistakes, specially those drunk dials and texts. Haha. “I have mixed drinks about these feelings”. And boy, I’ll be a real hero tomorrow if I don’t drunk dial tonight.

Such a bad hero right now. My world people playing monopoly and me, writing this blog.

Although, two good things that happened tonight- First, I’m alive, and a stranger, a wonderful one, wrote me a poem!

And my blog dedication list includes just one, this : Way we down go- Kaleo.

Bite me, since this is the second repeat of that song now. Prolly third.

Happy weekend, a tipsy one.

Pee.Ass- Typing with long nails is a pain in the nail’s ass.

EXO

 

 

A very nakey mind.

Namaste people.

Clicked on the + sign in WordPress to write a blog about something, staring at the blank white page with an empty title and an empty body for more than 15 minutes, eyes stuck on the white blank page glued like an eyelash glue and wondering what to write. My mind is naked today.

I finished my black coffee with weird thoughts that I didn’t even realize I had forgotten to add sugar to it. Then I figured that I have a wish list for the year which also includes, peace of mind. I’ve heard that it’s very expensive and is hard to get it, so am working on my savings, savings which includes a lot of interest, willingness, personal space, calmness and relaxation.

In the Fields | Meditation zen painting in a tropical setting | By Hannah Adamaszek online shop & gallery #EasyMeditation

This picture tells me that I should get back to my yoga, back to my headstands and Suryanamaskar or sun salutations which I once used to do everyday, this was back in the year, 1750. The old me.

But I’m still in my 20s and that’s a miracle.

Having said that, I wish my very nakey mind, a miraculous healing.

🤞
 

Just an X with no O.

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Just a thought.

That, those sleepless nights can be easily compared to the ones of a sick person. A person who is sick, very sick of a dangerous disease and has all the worst symptoms like shivers and tries to sleep at night helplessly, to be able to forget the pain, telling himself that he is fine, yet bearing the uncontrollable shiver from head to toe which gets only worst and causes excruciating pain from deep within.

I can now imagine how hard it is to go through a heartbreak. The excruciating invisible gift and a curse called ‘pain’. The most dangerous pain with no physical cut visible, not even a dot but on the inside, you’re at a point where you’ve lost everything and are nothing but a hollow. A hollow with only thin layered skin walls where their words echo within you.

Everything you do reminds you of them including your escape-from-the-pain travel, the journey that you actually started to get rid of those black clouds but end up missing them instead and start imagining how amazing it would’ve been if they were there with you, traveling too, hand in hand under the same blanket.

And then, when you finally reach your destination, you recall his words, ‘I want to go for a holiday with you, want to travel with you’. Just then when you wanna smoke up to forget his words you recall something else, a past fun night where he said to you, ‘I want to smoke up and chill with you’. And then so on and on and on for forever and ever, the dots start to connect and continue to connect forever. Since in the end, nothing matters.

And there they reach, a place with no returns, no hopes, no expectations and no more XO’s.

But,

Just an X, with no O.

Oh, buffalo, you make me weak 🐃.

For some really odd reason, or prolly the way their eyes look, or their super straight lashes or maybe the way they look at me, lol, I simply love buffaloes. They are so cute. Every time am out around and I see buffaloes being a reason for traffic on the road simply because they’re trying to cross the road, this happens very often out here, we cross roads together once the signal gets on for the walkers, (LOL) I always make sure I take the opportunity, lol yes you read it right, an opportunity to make an eye contact with each buffalo I see. Seriously dude. And I’m safe while I do that since I’m only staring at them from my office cab window, as close as I can possibly get. Not all but few do, wondering wtf does she want. This blog is up because I saw them again today while on my way to work, a gang, a beautiful obstinacy of beautiful buffaloes.

Oh buffaloes, I love you all.

In my past life, if I ever even was, I’m sure I was a buffalo. In my next life, if I ever will be again, I want to be a buffalo who would belong to a vegan family only for milk purposes, lol what the heck did I just write. I obviously wouldn’t want my life to end getting slaughtered as hell while I enjoy my life being a buffalo with my handsome buffalo boyfriend.

This is how they exactly look at me when I try to look at them.

African Buffalo with calf

Oh, buffalo, you make me weak,

Oh, buffalo, you bring me to my knees.

Asta la vista, going to drink some buffalo milk.

Reminds me haven’t been for a good buff-et this month.

God, I feel so buffy.

Why is my wifi not buff-ering?

While all the buffaloes are buffalowing,

Me buffing off from here.

Rashmi Duneja Buffalo, BTW.

🐃

My Hot Flashes.

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You have no idea how it felt like,

To sit around the corner thinking of you and watch you come by.

I couldn’t laugh and I coudnt cry,

I lost all words and wished the moment to stick by.

 

 

And then we spoke where I only watched you,

Watched your lips talking and wished to kiss you.

The way your eyes blinked those crazy straight lashes,

They don’t know you’re the reason to my hot flashes.

 

 

And then you left and I started to breathe,

Bit my lips and started chattering my teeth.

Wished you did this and wished I did that,

Oh lord, this girl is such a love brat.

 

 

She’s in love with this feeling all alone,

With an invisible crown on a red love throne.

So sure that when am dead and gone,

‘Girl Who Fell in Love Forever’,

In my gravestone!

 

🥀

Thank you for reading,

Rashmi Duneja.

 

 

 

 

1.29 am Bullshat.

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I’m sorry if I upset you, I don’t have bulls and they don’t shit. This part that I’m going to share should have been in my personal diary but think I like it better here, this is my personal diary and you are my personal diary reader/s. 😀 Am I sounding like a 15-year-old? I’m older than that. But whatever.

Yeah, whatever.

So this is basically a feelings post, ever heard of that? Me neither. Nothing beneficial for you though. But who cares, am just still writing like a kid. Getting this frustrating burden of boredom off my chest. lol. Let me stop right there.

I am feeling nothing at all again this night. I have been trying to write something, like a poem about love or losing someone and similar pieces of stuff but am just short on words, for a headline start, like the first word or line we choose to write, like a beginning. Shit, I can’t even find a beginning for a poem or a story, is this my end? I feel so numb, not dumb, blank, yet sitting with my makeup on, since that’s very stress relieving, haha. I started reading this book called ”The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck” and even that isn’t helping me feel any good or better. Finished chapter one though, a pat on my back, good girl.

Listening to this beautiful song: Angus & Julia Stone, Baudelaire

These people are seriously, good. Their voice, their music. Amazing than the morning light and tastier than broccoli, yucks.

 

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”One day, all these bullshit will make me strong”. And I don’t wanna be rude but, I’m done.

Rashmi Duneja, BTW.