You are entirely up to you.

I am not sure and I haven’t validated if someone else has ever had similar happenings, BUT, I have learned, that we are not how we were taught we were instructed to be. We are not what we guess we are. Neither we are what our elders, siblings or our acquaintances made us feel we are. We are what we verbally or mentally tell ourselves. 

So, let me start by saying that I recall a stage in my life where I constantly felt weak, not up to the ”standards’‘, very little self-esteem and no self-confidence at all. Every time I saw myself in the mirror, I called myself stupid. My mind would accept and take that word that I called myself and each time when the time came where I had to face circumstances and it was my turn to show the type of personality I was, my mind would go for a speedy search and find the first word that cracked- which was ”stupid”. My mind started believing I was stupid.

This basically happened because that was exactly what I always called myself which automatically fed ”stupid” in the inner corners of my brain and if I ever got fed up and wanted to remember something I would always first recall the word ‘stupid’. That’s when I realized something is wrong in my way of mentation. Once while surfing the net I came across a website which would let me know my character type by doing a small 5-minute assessment. The result was a wretched one, it made me lower. I wanted to experiment something within myself to be able to find out what type of person I was. I was not happy.

After many months of being ”stupid” and keeping myself away from what my age individuals were expected to do, I one day ended up, accidentally, helping someone. That someone was so glad that after we had a chat and all was done, he called me an angel. It touched me. It was a new word used for me. From that very moment, whenever I would see myself in the mirror, I called myself an angel too and there it was! A difference that I figured out I needed to do to change myself. I gave myself a new positive word every day and reached far beyond where the word ”stupid” had completely been banished from my life. I called myself all the names that were my flaws and weaknesses. I called myself confident, and in public, I would feel confident. I called myself a girl with a sharp memory and while reading and memorizing, I had to make sure I remembered what was required because since I called myself a girl with a sharp memory, I didn’t want to let myself down. I was competing with my own self. It helped. What you call yourself is what your mind starts believing it too. And that’s what you eventually become.

This method had made a very positive and a drastic change in my life. Today when I turn behind and look at the other girl that I was and compare, I see a difference like a matured cheese and a wine. I am a different person today who has overcome enough and seen a lot, with a lot of experiences because even though I had a fear, I still went ahead. I changed my own self and became a better person than the old. I believe we all can be a better person if we want to. If you think you are lacking in something, find out and work on it. Rather know yourself than just stay muddled the whole life and die unhappy. And there will be, an ultimate change.

Thank you for being a part of my phase by reading it.

Rashmi Duneja. 


3 thoughts on “You are entirely up to you.

  1. Beautifully written…thank you for sharing your story. Confidence certainly makes a world of difference! It can be hard to obtain, but once we have it, it changes our world. I went through a similar phase of not having any confidence, and it’s taken awhile to build it but I’m thankful I am where I am now. Really happy to have read this! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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